Things got worse

It’s been forever since I wrote something here. I’ve finished high school and I’m in college now. I go to a UC so we go by the quarter system, not semester. I met my roommate, and we connected instantly. We became best friends ever. I’ve never met anyone who is so similar to me. We like the same music, clothes, hobbies, and basically everything. Everything was perfect first quarter. And then second quarter came around, and we lost it all. I did some things that I shouldn’t have done but I had the best intentions. But I guess my good intentions got mixed up and he didn’t see the good I wanted to do. People saw my good intentions as something bad. And that ruined everything. I got too involved with everything and that also ruined everything. Now, we don’t talk, we don’t text, we don’t do anything. We don’t even make eye contact anymore. I tried apologizing but he said that there’s no point and he doesn’t want to hear it. I don’t know why. I feel like I lost a best friend and I hate that. I just want to start new again. And I don’t know what to do. I’m really lost right now. I took the trust in our friendship and ruined it. And I hate it. And I hate myself for it. 

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who you are

my last post was in may and now it’s already mid december.

“you know it’s real when you are who you think you are”

i’m still trying to figure out who i am and most of all, who i want to be. i once saw and heard my favorite artist say in a video, “my aspiration in life is to be…. happy” and hearing that made me realize what my real goals are in life.

i’m a senior now in high school and i am almost done with one semester. that means i have one semester left before i move out and start a whole new life.

i don’t really know why i’m writing this or what the meaning of this post is but i really just wanted to write.

“in one minute, you can change your attitude. and in that minute, you can change your entire day”

and i hope not only do i change one whole day with my attitude, but i hope to change the rest of my life with a more positive outlook on life. and i hope you do that same too.

stay golden

everything’s ok

“everything will be ok in the end. if it’s not ok, it’s not the end”

“the most important thing is to enjoy your life – be happy. that’s all that matters”

“forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace”

“stand up for what you believe in, even if it means standing alone”

“success is not final. failure is not fatal. having he courage to continue is what’s vital”

“when you feel like giving up, remember why you held on in the first place”

“do not follow where that path may lead. instead, follow where there is no path and leave a trail”

“tough times don’t last, but tough people do”

“in the future there will be no sorry, i will fight for a better tomorrow”

“stare into the darkness and find your own light”

“the brightest future belong to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams”

“if you’re going though hell, keep going”

emotions and freedom

i found this app a while ago and never gave it a thought to start blogging.

it was really sunny and bright outside the day i wrote my first post. i wrote it in my room. i was feeling alone and i hated the world. i felt that everyone was against me. judging me. i hated everyone.

i thought that no one would find me. that proved to be true so far. i don’t think my friends use this and i’ve never told anyone about this.

but since i started to write what i felt like writing and started to say what i felt like saying, i felt myself starting to open up a bit. i know that people won’t judge on here, and if they did, i don’t know who they are and they don’t know who i am.

i truly do feel myself starting to get better. i used to be this depressed little kid, hating the world, and hating others. i am still the same person, just things that have gotten better.

on here, people don’t know how i talk, or how i walk, or how i dress myself. they don’t know any of that, and they don’t criticize me on that.

who knew that all i needed was a little app on my phone where i can talk about whatever and express myself in ways that i never had the chance to do so before. it sounds so stupid, but on here, i feel like a new person. you don’t know my flaws. you’ve never seen my face. you’ve never heard me talk. i hate myself for all those things, but on here, where no one knows any of those thing, i finally feel free to express myself.

i have no one to talk to at school. i can’t say these things to my friends. this is not because i don’t have friends, but i go to a school in los angeles (high school of 3,780 students). secrets spread around and i don’t need that right now. secrets manage to spread even if they are your closest friends. everyone here is fake.

i read posts that you guys write and i can relate to them. and maybe, you guys can relate to my posts also.

it’s really nice to know that in a world where everyone is fake, there are real people out there who share the real struggle you are going through.

all i have to say is that i’m extremely glad i found this app. believe me when i say i’m not religious or that i’m not that all superstitious, but i feel like something out there really wanted me to find this place. this place, reading what you guys have to write really helped a lot.

i am not saying that i have changed completely as a person, but, the little things i find here and there on this site really helped.

and even if i don’t know you, thank you. thank you for the laughs you’ve given me. (it’s been such a long time since i’ve felt a genuine laugh). thank you for telling me that i really am not alone. thank you for the advice i’ve seen on here. thank you guys for everything.

i’m gonna finish up because my eyes are starting to get a little watery.

but again, thank you. you don’t realize how much being on here has helped me.

relieved and relax

if you ever start to feel alone

remember to breathe. remember to relax. you will find what you’re looking for one day.

we’re all rushing to force something that’s not meant to be, but trust me, everything will fall into place. we may not think that and we may think that it’s all over, but in reality, it’s only the beginning.

confidence in ourselves doesn’t come from always being right, but not fearing to be wrong. have confidence and trust that in the end, everything will fall into place and what’s meant to be will happen one day.

trust

done. i’m done.

i’ve been bothered by so many thing. i’m done. i’m done worrying. i’m done thinking about it all day. i’m done not being able to sleep at night. i’m doing stressing about the things i can’t change.

“when you’re struggling with something, look at all the people around you and realize that every single person you see is struggling with something, and to them, it’s just as hard as what you’re going through”

yes, i am struggling and i’m done worrying about it. i don’t know how long this thought will last. maybe i will cave in and return to worrying all the time. worrying what i’ll make of myself. worrying that there’s no place on this earth for me. but as of right now, i hope for the fact that i’m finally free of all the negativity running through my mind.

have a great day, and whether or not you’re religious, you’re blessed today.

you are created different. you are created amazing. you will find all the answers you’re looking for one day. you’ll find love in all darkness. you’ll find what you’re looking for one day. it’s just a test to see if you’re willing to wait that long. keep pushing through, because in the end, when all light is shining bright and you finally see your destiny, you will realize that it was worth it all along. every struggle was worth it. it will all be worth it. don’t worry.

trust me, it’ll all be worth it.

death

you die twice

“they say you die twice. one time when you stop breathing and a second time, a bit later on, when somebody says your name for the last time.”

you can’t stop one of those, but you can prevent the other one from happening.

make your choice. be loud. be beautiful. be intelligent. be amazing.

be you and hopefully someday, someone will remember you for who you truly are.

you are one of a kind. one in 7 billion. you are you. no matter what others think.

others are others and what they say, what they think, and how they judge you won’t affect you if you don’t care. life is truly too short to take what others think into consideration.

and have passion for life

“the saddest people i’ve ever met in life are the ones who don’t care deeply about anything at all. passion and satisfaction go hand in hand, and without them, any happiness is only temporary, because there’s nothing to make it last.”

make it last. forever and ever. don’t be lost in forever and ever.

smile. and have a fantastic day. it’s beautiful and sunny where i’m from and hopefully it’s the same for you. if not, if it’s dark and gloomy, make yourself a cup of coffee or tea and enjoy all the little things. the sentimental things that make life worth living for. the memories.